A Sneak Peek At Next Month's GQ Cover With Gisele:

Supermodel/actress Gisele Bundchen takes it all off -- strategically -- for the cameras in the new issue of GQ, on newsstands June 24, and we have a sneak peek!

"This is exactly how I would describe my work: I get there, I put on the clothes, I leave it on the hangar, and I go home," says the matter-of-fact model. "And that's what I do."

In her revealing Q&A, the Brazilian beauty and former "Victoria's Secret" body opens up about everything from pro football boyfriend TOM BRADY ("He really, genuinely doesn't have a bad bone in his body") to the craziest rumors about ex LEONARDO DiCAPRIO that she's ever heard (as in, reports of her despondently cutting off all her hair after her break-up with the 'Titanic' star are "ridiculous").

As for the dog-eat-dog modeling industry, she comments, "When you are out there with the wolves, you have to play with the wolves, you know?"

No shocker here, she looks amazing without any pants on!

WTF Happened To SNL Star Kristen Wiig's Face?:



This Is What She Used To Look Like Before The Disaster:



OK. Where do we start here? The top photo of SNL cast member Kristen Wiig was snapped yesterday at LAX where photogs noticed she was trying to hide her face. The second photo is what she looked like before some sort of Hurricane Katrina-like disaster attacked her face. She has two black eyes, her face is swollen and she's shinier than a glow worm which leads me to believe she had plastic surgery of some kind. A face lift? Saturday Night Live is back this week with Tina Fey and Carrie Underwood but Kristen isn't planning on going on television with that face, is she? If it was cosmetic surgery, let's hope she nips it in the bud here and doesn't go all 'Michael Jackson' on us. To be honest, I'm scared...

Star Jones Should Stay Far, Far Away From The Beach:



Let's Zoom In With The Super Strength Bunny Cam:



Ugh. Sorry about that whole 'Bunny Cam' thing. It looks like some of Star Jones fat was tipped off about the impending stomach stapling operation and it formed a separatist colony on the back of her ass. I'm sure Star would call me a jerk for that last line if she could get it all out in one sentence without all those bizarre air gasping noises. Please excuse me while I vomit profusely.

Pamela Gives The Crowd A Show At A Birthday Party:




These are actually from Christian Audigier's birthday party last week which seems to be the gift that keeps on giving. That must have been the greatest party ever! Michael Jackson was there, Pamela's crotch was there, even Britney Spears made an appearance. I regret to inform you that I was not invited. I intend to get some revenge with the embarrassing pics above. Enjoy!

Here's The Very First Train-Wreck Filled Episode Of LL:



Part 2 of 3:



Part 3 of 3:



Drama! No wonder Lindsay is all effed up, these bitches are crazy.

Billy Ray Can't Seem To Keep His Daughter In Line:




Is Billy Ray Cyrus the worst dad EVER? His daughter is on a mission to ruin both her career and billion dollar empire as soon as possible. Rumor has it these photos were meant to be for one of the Jonas Brothers but I don't believe it. I think someone hacked into her MySpace or something because the Jonas Brothers are way to asexual to ask Miley Cyrus for dirty photos. Plus, they're probably gay. I will now batten down the hatches and brace myself for the Jonas Brothers fan hate mail.

Have a great Memorial Day Weekend suckas! Drink lots.

Uma Thurman Shows Off Her Goods At The Beach:





She hasn't done a decent movie since Kill Bill but Uma Thurman is still in decent shape for being damn near 40 years old. I think we all could have done without the last image of her bending over but I just had to post it. She's so desperate to be on camera she bought some cheap video camera and sought out to make her own. Way to go, loser.

She Is Less Bloated Today Than She Was Yesterday:






This is Britney Spears still hanging out on the beaches of Costa Rica Saturday. She looks much better than yesterday even though her bathing suit is super cheesy. Sure, it's an Ed Hardy that says 'Love Kills Slowly' and Ed Hardy is so hot right now but I think it's ugly. Britney continues to deny the pregnancy rumors and insists she's just bloated from medication she is probably taking so she doesn't shave her head again. Strangely enough she's actually on vacation with Mel Gibson right now but she's not a Jew so it's totally cool. You have to give her credit for surrounding herself with ugly people to make herself look decent. That random dude she's shacking up with is some hideuous TV producer.

Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz With Mysterious Old Man:





One Thing's For Sure, The Simpson House Is Set For A Wedding:




I don't know who that old guy in the first photo hiding behind the door is but he must be cooler than me. I checked my mail every day this week and I didn't get an invitation to Pete Wentz's geriatric bachelor party. Regardless, the rehearsal dinner is tonight which is strange because neither of them look like they eat much. Let's hope Pete Wentz grabs a pair of pants that actually fit him to toss on before he walks down the aisle tomorrow.

The pair have reportedly asked guests to dress in dark colours for the occasion, which will see the pair wed in front of around 250 guests.

A large white tent with bright red curtains has been erected in the garden, with a seating area set up “around a fireplace adorned with a cross”, reports usmagazine.com. The tabloid also reports that the pool has been covered to become a seating area.

Dear God, please let there be a cat fight to spice this party up tomorrow. Maybe that old guy will go nuts and off someone?

Britney Spears May Have Eaten One Of Her Children:







I just don't get it. Sometimes she looks pregnant and sometimes she just looks like a fat college chick that no one wants to sleep with so she acts all crazy-like to get attention. I'd say there's a 50/50 chance that there's a little monster in that fat roll of hers. Then again, so long as I'm not the father, what do I care? Call me a freak if you want but I'd still hit it. I'd yank her and her ugly unfamous friend off that four-wheeler and... [CENSORED].

Chriqui Is In The New Movie 'Don't Mess With Zohan':

Emmanuelle Chriqui (rhymes with freaky) is having a hard time keeping a low profile these days. First, there are the Entourage fans who stop her on the street, asking whether her character, Sloan, will get back together with Eric when the show resumes this fall. Stop asking. "I'm like, 'Talk to the writers!'" Then there was that weird encounter she had during her GQ photo shoot: "We were in a little park in Malibu. I'm topless, and this cop car pulls up." What did the officer say? "'Could you make sure that her areolas aren't showing?'" (Sir, as you can see, they're not.)

It's all a little bit much for the 30-year-old actress, whose slow-but-steady film career takes off this month with Adam Sandler's You Don't Mess with the Zohan—a feel-good comedy with Hezbollah jokes. Chriqui's character is a Palestinian immigrant who runs a hair salon in New York; the place is about to go under until she hires Sandler —a former Israeli assassin. He keeps the business afloat by offering "special services" (hint: we're not talking perms) in the back room. So he's giving sexual favors and you're his pimp? "Basically," she says, adding that the movie is about more than dumb laughs: "It's very West Side Story."

'Don't Mess With Zohan' looks like the worst movie to hit theaters since 'Pizza Wars: The Movie' but Chriqui is pretty hot. The new season of Entourage kicks off in a few months and I'm curious to see whether or not she makes an appearance after breaking up with that midget 'E'. Insiders say Emmanuelle Chriqui is going to be the next big thing but I just think she's another mid-level talent with a terribly tough to pronounce name. Take that bitch!

Jennifer Aniston Poolside With John Mayer Yesterday:





I'm not a huge fan of Jennifer Aniston - mostly because she tried to sue me for everything that I'm not worth about a year ago. Apparently, Ms. Aniston doesn't like when you post topless photos of her for the world to see so she sent her attack dogs after me full force. Being the hardcore celebrity blogger that I am, I took the photos down and begged for her forgiveness. I know, I'm pathetic, but let's just say her lawyers are better than mine.

I'll get her back eventually but for now Jennifer Aniston is hanging out poolside in Miami with her new man John Mayer. This is just before a wrap party for the film she just finished with Owen Wilson called 'Marley and Me.' Judging by photo number one above, it's a bit chilly in the water. Either that or John Mayer really excites her. They should immediately drain that pool and disinfect...

Sophie Was At The 'Nuts Football Awards' Last Night:





Sophie Howard is one of those British people who is basically famous for being naked all the time. She used to be a stripper and now she's a 'big time' model in Europe. Also, she has Lupus. For reals. Anyhow, Sophie was at some low rent magazine awards show last night called the 'Nuts Footballs Awards' which I will translate into 'Maxim-Wannabe Soccer Awards' because that sounds more familiar. The awards show was lame but her massive 32F cleavage always gets good reviews. What? Don't act like you weren't looking. Those suckas must be heavy as hell.

The Lovely Ellen Page Takes 'Juno' To Tokyo, Japan:




Miss Juno was doing her thing at the Imperial Hotel in Tokyo as the Diablo Cody flick made it's way overseas. It's amazing how young she looks and just how much she actually looks like the character Juno. She's 21-years-old and you can bet your ass she gets carded everywhere she goes. Anyhow, odds are Juno will kick ass in Japan as well and Page's pocketbook will get fatter. Wizard.

Three Tracks From Their Upcoming Album Leaked:



The first leaked song above is called 'Stop the Clocks'



The second leaked song above is called 'Nothin On Me'



The final leaked song above is called 'I Wanna Live A Dream'

All of them sound quite a bit like the old Oasis we've all forgotten. Hell, even the song titles are the same. 'I Wanna Live A Dream'? For real? OK, so the songs are kind of catchy... that doesn't mean they don't suck. What do you think?

Kelly Osbourne Drunk At Club Mahiki This Morning:

With pals Kate Moss and Amy Winehouse out of town, it was left forKelly Osbourne to fly the flag for the Caners crew all on her own.

And boy did she she put in a good effort.

The wildchild daughter of rocker Ozzylooked totally smashed as she stumbled out of Mahiki at 2am this morning.

After watching the band Lightspeed Champion perform at Koko, fun-loving Kelly hopped across town to the Polynesian night-spot - a favourite with PRINCES WILLIAM and HARRY - for a mid-week bender.

She was so tanked that she nearly gave the world a sneak peek at her goods! The world would have never been the same. Rumor has it, she was drinking 'Treasure Chests' and whatever the hell those are they must be strong. They should name drinks after these lush-prone ladies. The Kelly Osbourne could be a vodka tonic (mostly vodka) and the Amy Winehousewould be tequila... and heroin. I'll take two of each.

Apparently All That 'OC' Money Can't Buy A Hot Body:




She clearly knows that the photogs are nearby yet she's trouncing around outside without a bikini top on? It looks like a miniature army launched a miniature air assault on her thighs. Bad angle? Maybe. But let's not forget, she's only 22-years-old!

Kanye West Is Mad About Getting A B+ Concert Review!:

Yo, anybody that's not a fan; don't come to my show. For what?! To try and throw ya'll two cents in? Ya'll rated my album shi##y and now ya'll come to the show and give it a B+. What's a B+ mean? I'm an extremist. It's either pass or fail! A+ or F-! You know what, f*%# you and the whole f$#%ing staff!!! I know I shouldn't dignify this with a comment, but the reviewer threw a jab at all the artists. I just wanna know when was the last time you enjoyed yourself. If you can't have fun and lose yourself at this tour it's a good chance you're a very miserable person.

I actually feel sorry for you guys. Your job forces you to not have fun anymore. Grab a drink, holla at some nice girls, and party bitch!! You don't know s#%t about passion and art. You'll never gain credibility at this rate. You're fucking trash! I make art. You can't rate this. I'm a real person. I'm not a pop star. I don't care about anything but making great art. Never come 2 one of my shows ever again, you're not invited and if you see me...BOW!! This is not pop, it's pop art!

Wow. What a douche! No wonder his girlfriend ditched him.

Corey Haim On The Set Of Upcoming Movie 'Crank 2':



Haim is working on some lame ass movie called Crank 2: High Voltage which is strange because I never watched or heard of Crank 1. Regardless, a crappy movie is no excuse for a haircut as terrible as that! Someone get that man to a hair salon.

Ellen Page Still Looks Like She's 14 Years Old:

RISE AND SHINE: Ellen arrived at 9:00 a.m. on the dot—but apologized for sleeping in! When she saw Teen Vogue's trailers, the actress, used to the smaller scale of the indie world, humbly asked, "Are they filming a movie here?"

CASUAL ENCOUNTER: The easy­going celeb, known for her laid-back, tomboy-chic style, showed up wearing a Free City hoodie, ripped jeans, and Converse sneaks.

ANIMAL COLLECTIVE: The shoot took place at the Golden Oak Ranch in Newhall, California, where classics like Lassie and Old Yeller were filmed. We too had a few puppies on set. Luckily, Ellen loves dogs: She recently adopted Patti, a Chihuahua/toy terrier mix named after singer Patti Smith.

ELLEN, ON HER PERSONAL STYLE: "I'm a bum, really. [Work] is the only time I get dressed up."

ELLEN, ON HER RISE TO FAME: "It's been surreal. I'm insanely grateful, but it's just like, 'Really? Are you sure?'"

ELLEN, ON POST-JUNO ROLES: "People expect me to do some kind of gritty look-at-me-I'm-such-an-actor thing, but that would have felt contrived."

ELLEN, ON THE FUTURE: "I absolutely adore doing this, but I also know that this is a fragile industry, and I don't want to attach my happiness to it."

The details and photos are cute but I can't help but think that Juno is a better name for her than Ellen. She just doesn't look like an Ellen.