No, Really, It's His Private Island:

A chance encounter with Johnny Depp backstage at the MTV Movie Awards earned Lindsay Lohan an invitation to his private island in the Caribbean, which he and Vanessa Paradis affectionately refer to as "F*#k Off Island." The Pirates of the Caribbean actor extended the offer to La Lohan stay at his secluded tropical getaway any time she needs, an offer which reportedly pleased the paparazzi-attracting starlet.

Reminiscent of Mel Gibson's offer to Britney Spears, Depp reached out to the troubled starlet because, as a source dished, "Johnny realizes the pressures of fame and can see Lindsay could do with a break."

So wait, you're telling me that if I was a drunk, drug-addicted, quasi-lesbian that is constantly bombarded by paparazzi, then I could go to Johnny's private island? Sign me up, killer. Who's got the drugs? The vodka is in the fridge. I'm on my way, Johnny...